Caption: You can have it all

I see these SAMs way too often.  Underachievers.  Just getting by.  Sure, many of them are successful in some aspect of their lives; they have a good career with a good salary.  They have a few loyal SAM friends who gather every Friday and Saturday.  They wear nice threads, and drive a nice car sometimes.  But, they know it, you know it, and everyone knows it; they are missing something in their lives.  Now, I’m not just talking about a woman.  I’m talking about confidence and a positive outlook.  Because, when you have that, you are truly happy and feel in control of life.

Many of us are young, healthy, intelligent, and handsome.  Yet, we settle.  Why?  Because many of us were taught to play it safe, play by the rules, and avoid risks.  Our Asian parents wanted us to succeed so much that they kept us on a predictable, straight and proven path for success. In hindsight, that path didn’t lead to success, and many SAMs who followed that path are living a life of regret.  Money and a degree don’t equate to happiness.  And, without taking risks, life becomes dull and predictable, and you feel no sense of challenge.  There is no rush.  And, if you don’t take risks, you never fail, and therefore you never really learn.

A lot of about what makes people happy is how they interact and feel in society.  How comfortable you are, how open and free you feel, and how connected you feel.  Many AAs are raised in solitude, focusing only on their own well-being, and thus become disconnected and awkward.  I know I felt this, and still do at times.  I was so focused on my studies and work, it was hard for me to develop as a confident man outside of work.  It’s easy to succeed at work because there are roles, and you just fill them and do your tasks.  Out in society, you have to improvise as there is more freedom of expression.  SAMs can sometimes feel awkward because they aren’t used to the lack of structure.  So, they will compensate and be very polite, avoid confrontation, and try to play the role of ‘model minority’.  This is a big mistake since you’re not expressing your true nature, and you essentially repress your true character and charm.  People just see you as the ‘nice guy’, and you blend in with the background like you’re wallpaper. Read the rest of this entry »

Lately, I see this guy everywhere.  He’s in a movie called HANGOVER, he’s on a new sitcom with Chevy Chase called COMMUNITY on NBC.  I guess he’s kind of funny, but he does the same thing a lot of other Asian comedians do: they ONLY make fun of Asian people!  This has got to stop.  It’s making us look bad.  If you watch this video, he makes a little fun of his own kind, Koreans, but he goes way over the top with Vietnamese.  He’s antagonizing Vietnamese with his humor, further creating rifts between the different Asian groups.  His humor is a little too mean, and lacks subtlety IMO.  He’s also repetitive and lacks a deep repertoire.  I saw three videos of him at different periods, and he says the same jokes every time.  And the ones he repeats are average.  I think he is getting the attention because of his over the top energy, and his facial expressions, and the fact that he will gladly take any role even if it is demeaning to the Asian image.    He’s the go to guy when the white movie producers need to make fun of an Asian guy. For that reason, I don’t like him.

When you make fun of your fellow Asians within an only Asian crowd it might be funny.  But, once you have other races watching, it becomes a situation where they are not laughing with you, but at you.  This is the dilemma that David Chapelle had: he got so popular with the whites, and then he realized that they were laughing at him just as much as ‘with him’.  But, the great thing about black humor is that they will make fun of themselves, but they will also make fun of white people, too.  They have the confidence to go there.  I think Asian American comedians that are out there are still afraid to go there.  But, unless they do this, we will continue to be the butt end of the jokes.

Caption: Cute young girls in uniforms...so hot...so wrong. A common theme in Jporn.

(Warning: This post is Rated X.)

Porn. What can I say about it? We all love it. In fact, I’d like to refer to it as “Adult Entertainment” and not smut. Porn has acclimated itself and has gained a more mainstream presence in today’s society, pop culture, and adult entertainment. It’s not seen as dirty and perverted anymore. And porn has gone global and has been internationalized across all cultural and racial boundaries, thanks to the Internet. When I was growing up, I only got to see white porn and the occasional “Swedish Eroticas”, which were lame. Then when the internet came, it was like the Pandroa’s box had opened up and all boy’s zippers on their pants opened up as well. The point is, ladies and gentleman, that porn, for lack of a better word, is good, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Porn, in all of its forms, porn for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind.

Having said that, American porn is kind of the norm in the porn industry. But what is up with Japanese porn? It seems they take porn to the next level. You know what I’m talking about: Fishes, squids, cup in the middle, grabbing women in public, groping women in subway trains, bukkake, and other “deviant” acts I won’t utter. Porn is porn, but damn, the Japs take it to some nasty freaky levels that I just don’t see in other countries or cultures…uhh, except the Netherlands. Why is that? Has the normal or common sex practices became commonplace for them? Of all the Asian countries, I think the Japs are the most open about sex and they have the most extreme forms of it. Japanese porn stars in Japan are treated like rock stars and they have a huge following from their fans. I mean, you can buy their soiled panties in vending machines! WTF? All I can buy in vending machines here in America are a bag of Doritos and Oreos. The Japs are sex freaks! In the early days, they just wanted to conquer countries and civilizations and basically put Korea and China through hell. Nowadays, the Japs just want to develop humanlike dolls so lonely men can penetrate and watch little school girls in anime get impaled by monsters with huge monster dicks. What happened?

Caption: Sexy hot Jporn star Hiyori Shiraishi

Read the rest of this entry »

So a friend of mine in San Francisco said he was in a restaurant when a man in a banana came in plugging this video.  I watched the clip and it’s kind of funny.  The reason I’m not opposed to it is because they have a few types of Asian characters, including the well assimilated cool Asian guy, played by the guy from Heroes.  So, it might be ok.

http://whiteonricethemovie.com/main.html

WHITE ON RICE-THEATRICAL TRAILER from Dave Boyle on Vimeo.

The director Dave Boyle is an American Mormon who did his mission in Australia, where he worked for an English/Japanese church.  That’s where he learned the J language.   He’s never been to Japan oddly, but he has two movies around Japanese, including another called. Big Dreams Little Tokyo

http://www.hokubei.com/en/news/2009/03/White-Rice-Opens-Film-Fest

What’s crazy is this guy was in an Asian Awareness club.

Raymond Clark III

Caption: Asian people love martial arts, right?

One of the more subtle forms of stereotyping is when an ignorant non-Asian person complements you for your Asian traits, thinking that you’ll be flattered by it.  Guess again, fucka!!!  It’s often quite funny really, and it’s actually not that subtle.  It’s only subtle to the oblivious.  In my head, I’m thinking “Are you for real?  Are you really serious? Are you clueless?”  Oftentimes this comes up in conversation, when they look at you and start talking about the first things that come to their little minds.  Here are some great examples.

Oblivious Person (OP):“I think half Asian and Caucasian babies are so beautiful.”

SAM: Oh yeah, so should I go fuck a white person then?  Does that mean I will have an uglier child if I marry a fellow Asian, dickhead?

OP: “You speak English real good!”

SAM: “You mean ‘really well’?

OP: “Asians have such nice clear skin.”

SAM: Thanks, I like your tall nose.  You could also have clear skin if you’d stop having pizza and coke everyday, you know. Read the rest of this entry »

Caption: "I hate my brother because he doesn't have blue eyes"

I’ve heard this in real life, and I’ve also read it online.  Some Asian American females will actually say this!  “I don’t want to date Asian men because they remind me of my brother or father.”  This is really weird to me because the only women who say this are Asian American women.  What gives?  I’ve never heard a black girl say that, a hispanic girl, nor any white girls.  Doesn’t make any sense, you know?  Is it because in some parts of the US there are way less Asians than Blacks and Hispanics?  Perhaps if this Asian American female lived in Utah all her life, and the only Asian guys she knew were her brother and father, then it might kind of make sense but it’s still a crazy broad association.  But, how can you not know Asians outside of your home these days?  Asians are friggin’ everywhere!  You go to any city, and you’ll see a Chinatown.  You go to every other restaurant and it’s Asian owned.  You can pick up a rock on a beach and you’ll find an Asian or two underneath.

When an Asian American girl says this, what they are actually admitting is that they have been whitewashed by America.  What they are actually saying is that Asian guys all look alike!  (Wow.  It’s one thing when a white person says this, but when a fellow Asian says this, it’s a shock. ) They haven’t made enough male friends in the Asian community to see the different personality types.  They just see colors: yellow, white, black, brown.  They probably watched 90210 growing up with her white girlfriends and actually believe that Dylan and Brandon are what a boyfriend should look like.  These AA girls fail to realize that they have no resemblance to Brenda or Kelly. Read the rest of this entry »

Look at how sexy I am

Seattle’s only true superstar pro athlete is Ichiro of the Seattle Mariners. This guy, who’s Japanese, is a remarkable, ultra-gifted, baseball player and quite possibly one of the best players in the major league now. He’s the best Asian baseball player/athlete ever and he’s probably the most recognized person in all of Asian sports other than William Hung.

Having said that, here’s my problem with Ichiro – the guy is really boring…outside of baseball. On the field, he’s like a baseball machine with an amazing arm, speed, and sick hitting skills. But off the field, the guy is as boring as CSpan. Why does this bother me so much?

Here’s a rare opportunity for an Asian figure like him to be in the spolight, in the media, and up the Asian male image in the media – basically make the Asian man look good. He’s a good looking guy and if he just did more, said more, and partied more, he’d be like a rock star in the U.S. He takes like a zen-approach to baseball, almost spiritual yet cerebral, and he appears to care about nothing except baseball. He’s boring! He doesn’t do shit outside of baseball. He doesn’t do endorsements, does not go to Hollywood parties, does not attend ESPY Awards, does not party with other stars and celebrities, and basically carries a very intense private life. I’m not talking about his activities in Japan or even Asia, but I’m talking about in the U.S. where there are millions of ignorant white people who think we all look and act like Long Duck Dong. The point is, Ichiro makes the Asian man look good. Or could. But it’s having the reverse effect. Ichiro makes us look boring, straight and narrow, shy, quiet, reserved, passive, and serious. Asian guys can’t party like rock stars, we can’t date supermodels, and we don’t just let loose and have fun. He doesn’t do Nike commercials and rarely does magazine photo shoots. He just plays ball. He needs to sell out just a little bit to gain media exposure. I mean, I can respect his decisions to focus purely on baseball and nothing else but at least learn some English! He is the only well known Asian male figure in pop culture who can represent all the positives rather than all those negative Asian stereotypes. White people in rural towns in Kansas can see him and think, “Wow, Asian guys can be talented, good looking, and cool rather than be short, nerdy, and asexual.” If I was him, I’d be dating Megan Fox, partying in Vegas with rockstars, and breaking hitting records in the majors.