Japanese don't hug, dogg!
Growing up, my parents didn’t really show much affection. Though they weren’t shy about showing a lot of anger and disdain at one another! 
It was definitely a messed up marriage, and I don’t think I ever saw them kiss or hug. I think that affected my own way of expressing myself with friends and girlfriends. I actually express myself naturally with the women I’ve dated, but of course it’s always a little awkward when you’re in courtship. But, once I was in an official relationship, it just felt right to hold hands, kiss, and hug, etc…
When I was growing up, I was pretty stoic when it came to friends and colleagues. I grew up in the states, and people here like to hug. As a guy raised by stoic Asian parents, I felt awkward in these situations. I didn’t really encounter these feelings until the end of high school. I think I just hung out with people who didn’t express themselves in this way. As guys, of course you wrestle and play fight, but in high school, we were too cool for that, so we just stoically said ‘what’s up’.
In college, I started noticing more and more people who would greet you with a hug, or when saying goodbye. It was pretty funny because I was alien to it, and would just stand there stiff, and just give them a cautionary pat on the back. I felt self-conscious, and usually I’d be off guard. I’d often screw up by hugging in the same direction therefore almost kissing, or getting my timing wrong.
Later on, I was hanging out with a bunch of Korean American guys, and they started adopting the bro-hug. The kind where you shake hands with your right hands, and then pat the guy with your left hand. I guess that’s the handshake hug technically. I still use this with my close buddies. I think it’s kind of interesting that the bro hug became so mainstream with even Asians and whites when it came from the African American bros. It was definitely the case with my Korean American buddies, who loved black music, culture, and style.
The handshake hug
These days, I’m much older, and it’s all good. I’m used to it, and I don’t take it too seriously like I did before. A hug is just a casual way to greet somebody. I’m curious if you had similar feelings or experiences. I think people in the states definitely are more affectionate than in many Asian countries, however I’ve also noticed that Europeans are much more affectionate still. I definitely just go through the motions, but you can really feel the warmth of Europeans in their hugs and greetings. I kind of envy that in a way, but I don’t want to force anything. What’s your experience, SAMs?
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Guess I’ll start it off. Can’t say I agree though. My family’s always seemed way warmer than some of the white families I’ve seen, much more pleasant to be around than some of my black or indian friends families. I hug and kiss my mother to this day but I know that hugging outside the family wasn’t really that easy either. It just felt weird because they weren’t family but it got to the point where I didn’t care about that. The bro hug later on in college was good. It was like a hug while being a tough guy if that makes sense.
But wow going to my white friends houses and the way they kinda shied from their parents was so awkward for me. I didn’t know how to react because I usually go right up to them and chat and here I was standing behind my friend who barely has two words to say to them.
My black friends were worse. Their “pops” were either absent or just uncaring and they kinda walked right by them. They had to add sir at the end of sentences if they needed to answer a question and I remember I just rushed right up to their rooms so I wouldn’t feel in the way. Indian households were ok. Much warmer than the previous two but you still feel a dettachment there like the kids were subservient. Scary stuff.
The best families to my own were hispanic and italians. They are always so fun to be around and if they have siblings (I’m an only child) they tell you the craziest stories. lol
@ Aged SAM
Wow, that’s fascinating! I noticed that Hispanic warmth, lately, too. I have a Mexican American buddy who is really warm, hugs a lot, and very inviting. Went to a party at his place, and that was the tone.
Looking back, I guess none of my friends’ families were that affectionate: white, Jewish, Korean, etc. Maybe it’s more to do with how close your family is rather than a cultural thing? Deep. Thanks for posting.
I totally get this.
I was talking about this the other night with my friends and we noticed that our Vietnamese friends have less of an issue with this, as with some other South East Asian friends we have. Going to one of my Vietnamese friend’s house is like going into a white person’s house because everybody is so open, warm and casual.
My parents only talk through arguing and never touch each other (as far as I know, not sure how I came about..), but that’s just the way things are and if they started hugging or saying “I love you” I think I’d have to check into a mental institute.