Caption: “Thank god I’m not my SAM brother… Oh, that feels so good, white-b… I mean Mark.”
I just found this on another website. I was kind of surprised, and I’m wondering if people have noticed the same thing. An Asian girl wrote:
“Many parents don’t care if their daughters marry Interracial (IR) , but forbid their sons to date IR and if they do the parents try everything to stop it and gain more control over their son’s lives. Happening to my guys cousins and a few family friends now.”
As the quote states, I know that Asian men have to deal with the pressure to marry a nice, near-perfect Asian woman. We’ve covered it in other articles on this site, but I think we failed to explain why Asian sons, especially the first, have such an importance in the Asian home. For those who don’t know, it’s because families want to continue their family name for generations to come. That’s why sons are valued within Asian households. When they marry, they keep their last name, and any kids who are born will continue their line. (Unless of course, they have given birth to a chronic SAM, but I digress!)
However, when a daughter marries, they lose their family name, and traditionally leave the home to live with the husband’s family. It’s as if they are no longer part of their original family. So, that is why they get different treatment. However, just how different is this treatment? Do they have no pressure to date and marry Asian?? Are they usually free to date whomever they please? If what this person said is true, it’s like night and day. What’s your experience, boys and girls??? I have noticed a lot of my AF friends marrying out, but is this why??
Related posts:
In the past, they use to abandon baby girls in Korea and China on the streets because they did not want them. That is why there are so many orphans in Korea. In China, they use to have rule they can have only a few children, so everyone wanted sons. If it was girl they would throw away. It was a very tough times.
This has nothing to do with familial pressures or Asian traditions. AM’s don’t marry out because most American women are far pickier about race/ethnicity then men, with Caucasian men on top of the social totem pole. Compare and contrast the racial preferences of men and women on online dating sites, and you’ll see how tough AA men have it out there.
I’m not going to get into the whole CCB thing…in my experience, AF’s have generally shown some level of attraction towards me. But I’m currently stuck in Delaware, where I never get to meet any AF’s that are of my type, much less see any in general. I wouldn’t expect an attractive AF to hold out for an AM she may never meet because our population is so small and our community ties are nonexistent (especially if you compare it to the Indian community).
have you all noticed how many WM/AF couples there are? i feel like i should date hundreds of WFs to get back at em! i don’t think this ‘rule’ holds anymore; you can marry whoever. for those AMs hold out for AFs; good luck and don’t you wonder if that pretty WF you just blew-off could’ve been the love of your life?
I don’t doubt it if this is true. Chinese parents value sons over daughters and that is a historical fact. Look up in wikipedia the one-child policy rule in china and you will see how many of the children abandoned are females. The ratio between male and female birth in china is also unbalanced, there being much more males than females because females were weak and undesirable and most likely to be aborted or left to die. Sad but true reality in china.
I was watching Jericho on Saturday, I think it was on CBS. And during the commericial break I saw this add for I think it was paint or furniture and brand was finnigans or something, but it had an AF/WM couple. And
I was thinking to myself when did this become so mainstream that now commericials have those couples. I mean you never see WF/BM couples in commercials, but this is fine? I’ve seen another one, I think it was a Home Depot commericial with the AF/WM couple.
Its one thing for us to see it in everyday life, but its another when its a mainstream U.S. commercial. What its not like there is a huge AF/WM married market, so why cater to it when they can’t put WF/BM combo. I think subliminally its bad, cause it enforces the AF/WM conformity.
Besides us, what does this say about white females in general, that perhaps the prize for a white male is an Asian wife?
To Caucasian women, Asian women are seen in the mass media as “the competition”, like on Sex in the City or on Friends.
Hmmm,thats news to me.I always thought it was considered ok for the male to have a fling or marry interracially but not the girl bcoz she is considered the pride of the house.That is the case in some cultures,its a double standard of course.
If i may go a little off topic…why is that in most cultures its ok if the guy goes out with a girl of another race but they start fuming when they see one of their girls witha guy of another race?I mean over here ppl might use the example of white guys going out with asian girls as an example of “openness” but dont extend the same to a am/wf couple or for that matter any non white guy with a white girl.
Actually, I find that women are more competitive, and when a black lady sees a black guy with a white woman, for example, they get mad. In the end, we should accept all IR dating. It’s going to be the standard after a few generations. But, as SAMs, if parents are preventing us from dating and marrying out, then we have to figure it out fast, and change that. Whoever we marry, the family name will go on. They’ll just have more colorful names, you know? Like, Shaneequa Marie Suzuki, or something like that!
Ha! a black lady seeing a black guy with a white woman gets “mad?” I gotta admit, I haven’t seen that.
First off, the term “Interracial Dating” is not appropriate here.
The term “interracial” tends to carry an implication of equality. In the case of Asians, I feel the term “assimilation” is more appropriate. That is, the assimilation of AFs into other ethnicities.
I do find Asian parents placing more emphasis on the sons and sort of letting the daughters “do as they please”. This is yet another demonstration of the SAMs parents inability to adapt to a new environment.
The secondary risk associated with the aforementioned behavior (treating the sons “extra special”) is that these same sons believe this and are therefore extremely selective.
The problem is obvious to the rest of the world with the seeming exception of Asian parents. That is that we are playing a proverbial game of “musical chairs” with a lot of players but only a few chairs.
The bleak situation above is based on the fact that an appreciable number of AFs “marry out”, most western females aren’t interested in SAMs, divorced men are in the “players” category while divorced females (usually with children) are not practically counted in the “chairs” category. Bottom line, for the SAMs out there, not a whole lot of options exist.
But none of the above is intended to place blame on anyone but the SAM. A wise man once told me: “people are where they are because they’re motivated to be there”. Now let’s face it, there are not many SAMs who are persuing western females.
I do give mad props to the cat from Delaware who is trying. If he succeeds, he will lead by example, if he does not, he can look at himself in the mirror with confidence knowing that he will go down swinging.
Personally I have been extra sweet to my daughter and have treated her at least equally if not more “special” than her brothers. The assimilation of AFs will get worse before it gets better since originally it was predominantly the whites who had yellow fever but now other minorities are catching it as well.
By the time she is of marrying age, since in our household marrying a westerner will not be an option, I can only speculate that there will be a whole cadre of SAMs knocking on my door and I suspect the majority of them will be turned away when they learn of her insistence of the children bearing her family name.
The rest who will offer “tradition” as a rationale will be discurteously informed that they will have to do better since tradition has failed us in this new environment and the market value of SAMs and AFs, well you get the idea.
thoughts? : )
one clarification, when I say “in our household marrying a westerner will not be an option” I mean for the girls. I fully encourage my sons to not marry an AF
stay warm : )
Zhangxiaoxiong, is the reason you want your daughter’s kids to have your last name just so that your family name will live on? Isn’t it enough that your son will most likely have a child with your last name? Wow, that’s going to cause a lot of arguments, I’m sure. I’ve never heard that demand before. So, even if your daughter finds ‘the one’ in her opinion, you won’t allow it unless he agrees to the last name zhangxiaoxiong??? Honestly, I have a feeling that your daughter will marry very late if at all.
Yes, we Asian males have to live by more stringer rules than our Asian female counterparts. But it doesn’t matter now does it? Because us Asian males buy into these rules such as this one. Most SAMs I know WANT to marry an Asian woman. Even though we have to, we want to do it. So in the end, it works out I guess.
a truly excellent ponderance Reflective SAM, but an animal that I have faced many times in my years.
Let us, for purposes of this discussion, assume that Asian assimilation (or “interracial dating” as it’s often incorrectly termed) remains constant and does not gravitate moreso towards the disfavor of the SAM which I originally postulated.
To keep the math simple, let’s say there are 2 SAMs for every SAF (an extremely conservative assumption as I could argue this ratio is considerably worse). Shouldn’t it be the case then that it would be the SAF that is in the proverbial “driver’s seat”? In other words, it is the SAF that has considerably more dating options than the SAM. So then is the SAM really in a position to make demands?
Nevermind the fact that my baby girl will have to, at times, deal with (most likely) stuffy inlaws while this lucky SAM will enjoy the pleasure of my company on a frequent basis : )
Now you brought the other male siblings into the equation. Unfortunately this is not a family package deal. The SAMs dealing with my daughter are separate from my sons’ dealings with other families. I also couldn’t help but noticing I was not, as I should be, commended for encouraging the boys to seek out western females thereby “freeing up” more SAFs for the numerous SAMs who will only approach SAFs? Also the singular term “a child” should be pluralized as I believe it is important for all AMs to have many children but that’s a multi-hour discussion which should be saved for a later date.
just as an fyi my family name is Zhang, my given name is XiaoXiong
Well,I agree with Cont. Sams statement “Most SAMs I know WANT to marry an Asian woman. Even though we have to, we want to do it. So in the end, it works out I guess.”
The reason about zhangs comments about freeing up more SAFs by letting his sons date outside of their race, is good as a liberal parent but unless they are heavily whitewashed I think they’ll prefer Asian.
I don’t know what it is, cause I never was forced to date a certain race – like I must only date Chinese girls. Granted it would be awkward at first but its always been my decision. And I’m lucky that I’m in an Asiancentric community. I just get along much better with Asian females, and I mean their families treat me well too — so maybe thats the thing.
And though this may sound wrong to some of you, if I have kids I want 100% Asian kids. For me and for their sakes, can you imagine the hardships of their identity growing up? Are you white, are you Asian, what are you then? But I’m okay if they would be a mix of Asian, like Chinese and Japanese or so forth.
I’m too proud to be Asian to view things any other way. But I’m not ruling out that if I do find someone I want to marry and their not Asian, then we won’t have kids. That would be unrealistic, cause no one can predict the future. Perhaps I will look at things differently in 5, 10 years, but I will alway be proud of my Asian heritage regardless.
If most SAMs will only consider a SAF then there should be no complaints about being single since for every 100 SAMs there are, say 50 (just to keep the match simple) SAFs available. (rough numbers which could be argued to be either conservative or liberal)
The Catholic church says give me a child until he’s 9 and he’s mine for life. I second that and believe education on life should start as soon as the seed exits the ballbag (if you’ll pardon the crass humor).
It is important to educate children on what are the important features when looking for a mate.
If one of my boys meets a SWF or SBF who brings more to the table than a SAF I can only hope he he has the wisdom to recognize and persure that and I would be a fool to compromise the quality of my family line based on ethnic traits which will be assimilated in the not too distant future anyway.
Blade-Edge, I think you’re waaaay off here: “For me and for their sakes, can you imagine the hardships of their identity growing up? Are you white, are you Asian, what are you then?”
I have found Eurasians (and other mixed-race trifectas) to be the most well-adjusted people on earth in terms of culture and identity. They really have the best of both worlds, starting out with two or more cultures gives them a fabulous openness to absorbing more. My Eurasian friends have grown up in the US, Hong Kong and Taiwan, China, Europe and Southeast Asia. The only times they have racial “issues” are when small-minded Asian-Americans pester them to “take sides”.
“But I’m okay if they would be a mix of Asian, like Chinese and Japanese or so forth.” This is a very all-Americanized attitude. In Asia, it’s vastly more taboo to date an “other-Asian” than another race. And again with the cultural misassumptions. You could not find two more different and incompatible cultures than, say, China and Japan.
I am a WF dating an AM, and have been for over a year. I prefer AM’s. Physically, emotionally, philosophically speaking, they are most often superior (from personal experience of course) to men of other races. WM’s are undesireable for many reasons-lack of familial ties (I know a lot of WM’s who don’t associate with their family), they consistently show a lack of respect for their partners etc…I could go on but I won’t.
It’s important to me to be very family oriented. I like being respected, treated well, and being with a partner who takes pride in his intelligence as well as his looks.
Our only issue is his parents. They are having a hard time coping with our relationship based on my skin color. He is really Americanized and they are more traditional. Other than that I am “a very nice girl, pretty” as his mother has said. I am making quite an effort to win her over, but who knows. I’m learning to read and write in Korean, and I already speak it quite well. I can cook almost anything Korean and I’m learning Korean history and tradition. Maybe it will work, but even if not I get to learn about a fascinating culture.
Have any of you AM’s ever dated WF’s? Any ideas on how to make this as painless as possible?
Zhang, if you are heavy-handed, your daughters will do exactly the opposite of what you want. You better teach them by subversion/conditioning. Please watch two excellent movies, “East is East” and “Fiddler on the Roof,” in which British Pakistani and Russian Jewish fathers attempt to enforce conditions of marriage on their children.
I’m really glad I’m listening in to all this. As a Caucasian woman, if I ever go out with an Asian again, I will be really careful about whether he likes me or whether I’m just like what’s left over (because he would prefer an Asian but can’t find one).
About angry black women: watch “Waiting to Exhale,” about four educated black women trying to find worthy black male partners. This is a real problem for many black women today. More black women are becoming more educated much more quickly than the black male population. I have known black women who despair of finding an educated black man who will treat them well. In the movie, Angela Bassett’s character becomes enraged when her husband leaves her for his white secretary (who is plain compared to Angela Bassett). The source of the rage, besides the usual rage of being cheated on, is the perception that the husband thinks he is moving up by getting a white woman. That a status symbol is more important than their marriage, and that fate designates some other group higher up in some male hierarchy. Later in the movie, she meet Wesley Snipes, whose white wife died, and Bassett’s character heals a little as she learns that Snipes really loved his wife, wasn’t with her for a status symbol.
Are white women threatened by Asian women? I would say yes, sometimes. If you’re around and some guys are talking about how hot Asian women are, then you’re kind of like, what am I, chopped liver? What do they have that I don’t have? It’s just natural. And some guys hint around that Asian women are better in some way to make you jealous. But this works both ways. White guys ain’t all that great themselves. Look at the guys with mail order brides–of any nation. Those are guys who are afraid of American women and can’t hack it. I knew a guy who got a Ukrainian mail order bride. That poor thing, I hope she takes him for all he’s worth. She was a cardiologist and was so poor in Ukraine that she basically had to prostitute herself to this screwed-up American weirdo just to have a chance at life.
Do you all realize that in China and India (and maybe Korea?) there is a large and growing disparity with more men than women because, as has already been noted, of the preference for male children. It is NOT because female babies are sickly. They are given up or aborted or abandoned on purpose. In some places in India, several men are actually sharing one wife because there just aren’t enough women. One would think this would give the women power, but it doesn’t. It means they are treated like animals.
I have a friend who adopted two little girls from China. I say, what if so many American couples gave homes to unwanted girls from China and India that the U.S. would end up with a surplus of females? I think females would have even more power then; it would solve your problem of not enough Asian females (eventually). Would it cause a war between male-heavy countries and the female-heavy countries? What would happen?
Wasian83, nice to see you here, and along with Grandmama nice to have fellow WFs who love AMs speaking up.
Good for you for trying to win over the prospective in-laws. I don’t have much advise, since I’ve never seriously dated Korean or Asian-American men, just mainland Chinese. With them, I’ve found that after the initial trepidation about a foreigner (here the issue is nationality rather than race), we make friends and they love me. But I always make an effort to meet them on their territory. It sounds like you’re doing the right things, food and language go pretty far. Be friendly, ask them lots of questions and be a good listener, and treat it like any experience of making friends with someone of a different generation. People are always happy when someone shows a genuine interest in them.
Grandmama, good point about the fear of being treated as “leftovers” by the AM. That is among the reasons I’m reluctant to date Asian-American guys. In China at least, after the initial 10 minutes of annoyance at their “it talks!!!” surprise, I am judged as a person and as a woman, not as a “white girl”.
ohh Grandmama I’m not heavy handed at all, maybe I seem that way with my posts. I treat my girl very special and do not use ultimatums e.g. you MUST marry *insert type of guy here*. I only explain to her the situation around her. I explain what she sees on TV, I explain the history of our people’s dealings with other groups of peoples, I explain the very important concept of (what I call) “market value”. She is a very smart girl, not like a lot of these strumpets who need a Luis Vuitton handbag to validate their self worth, and I have the utmost trust in her that she will eventually make the right decision.
In reference to SBFs and SWFs all I can tell you to do is experiment. If you’re a SAM, pick an SBF (could be a friend pretending to be a S.O.) and take her to a predominantly Black establishment. You will see how the SBMs don’t put up with that sort of tomfoolery (other guys taking their sisters) whereas you can frequently go to an Asian gathering and find Asian girls cuddling with the Gwai Lo : )
Simply put, it’s a matter of showing who is “el mas macho”. If you want to call it immature, then call it just that, but at the end of the day who is losing out (in the female dating department), the immature or the “mature”?
Adoption. This is another method that we use to “shoot ourselves in the foot”. Not only are we giving away women which is so deplorable I could stop at that but we also send the message “this is how Asians treat their women”. Of course this plays into what I call “The Great White Savior” syndrome where the Caucasian couple spends thousands of $$ to adopt a girl from across the world (while they could have adopted an American baby and received $$ to do so) to show how she can play the piano at concert level, get into an ivy league school, and marry a nice boy .. like John Smith. It’s what I call the “Show Pony”
Female aesthetics. Depend much moreso on care than ethnicity. 10 years ago almost every SAF was rail thin, with the turn of the century a new phenomenon has emerged that I call “the fat Asian”. Now a lot of SBFs and SWFs are letting themselves go and as a result of tipping the toledos at around a deuce they are deemed “broke down” and their male counterparts are thinking “man I’d love to get me one of those little Oriental girls”.
I’ll take some hot SWF/SBF ass anyday over some broke down SAF (please pardon the crass expression). I’ll take some hot SAF anyday over some broke down SWF/SBF.
Make the commitment to take care of yourself, and you don’t need to feel like chopped liver. Actually, shouldn’t that have been addressed moreso to an appreciable portion of SAMs out there?
Grandmama: “As a Caucasian woman, if I ever go out with an Asian again, I will be really careful about whether he likes me or whether I’m just like what’s left over (because he would prefer an Asian but can’t find one).”
Not to pry, but did you previously date an AA guy who thought in this way? If he did think in this way, it really is messed up.
Shanghai and Grandmama, perhaps some Asian Americans/Canadians might have this mentality, but I’m sure a lot of them don’t. My brother for example, seems to like women who are interesting and fun to talk to, and in that department, WFs are tops. He gets bored of the quiet, Asian girls. In any case, it’s good to be careful and aware of your partner’s intent. I would say there are a lot of great AA guys out there, so I wouldn’t feel cautious about it. I would think that after dating a guy for awhile, you would know if he really is into you or not, and his motives would be straightforward. No?
Wasian83, I think you are a keeper, and your boyfriend’s mother will eventually bend like a willow tree. That’s REALLY cool that you are learning to speak Korean. That’s a big step that many are reluctant to take. It shows you’re an open-minded woman who is willing to meet halfway. I’ve seen the same situation with a good buddy of mine with his WF girl, and they married despite what the parents thought, and she was accepted after awhile. But, she didn’t put in half the effort you did, so I think you will be alright. Plus, if your boyfriend has already introduced you to his family, that means that he is serious, I would think. I think in the end, it’s more important that your AM boyfriend is cool with you more than his parents. If you two are tight, the family will accept it.
Formerly Grandmama, now I am Ms. Robinson. Better choice of name. Sorry, Blade-Edge. I realized my mistake soon after choosing the original name.
Zhang:
“Of course this plays into what I call “The Great White Savior” syndrome where the Caucasian couple spends thousands of $$ to adopt a girl from across the world (while they could have adopted an American baby and received $$ to do so) to show how she can play the piano at concert level, get into an ivy league school, and marry a nice boy .. like John Smith. It’s what I call the “Show Pony””
That might be true for some parents, but let me mention some things. First, there aren’t a lot of white babies to adopt. There are more black babies, but there’s a big issue there–there is a strong intellectual black movement against white parents adopting a U.S. black baby because they think it will cause psychological damage to the child. I think they’re probably right, because even though society is better, we’re still steeped in racism and the biggest part of it still has to do with black Americans. You did make me wonder, though–there might be more babies available, and yes, it might be more beneficial to the U.S. to adopt kids already here. I think people get caught up in the stories about what’s going on in some of these places, and feel that these babies desperately need homes–well, I guess all babies do.
What about the simple fact that Asian babies are cute? That picture of the baby in the car seat with the ‘empty mind’ article put a lump in my throat–babies are so cool! So what if a baby is adopted from U.S. or overseas–they all deserve a place. And, excuse me, but an Asian baby has no more chance of becoming a concert pianist, etc. than any other baby–whatever talent the child has, it depends on whether it is raised with educational opportunities and support. I thought you would go for the idea of bringing more Asian females to the U.S., too.
Reflective SAM: I have not received said treatment from anyone. I was responding to what Controversial SAM said above and some other comments with similar tone. It makes sense, though. Having an Asian mom, one would tend to be more attracted to Asian women.
According to the Childrens Health Encyclopedia there are just as many “white” babies to adopt as there are Asian…Russia accounts for 22% of children adopted in the US. The only difference is that US born caucasian babies are fewer in number.
“Though U.S. citizens adopted children from 106 different countries in 2001, nearly three-fourths of all children came from only five countries: China (25%), Russia (22%), South Korea (10%), Guatemala (8%), and Ukraine (6%).”
I believe that most Americans adopt based on pathos- or the sympathy factor. The economic backgrounds of many of these countries is in such a state that these children are “better off” being adopted by an American who can provide the necessities of life to child as well as love.
Personally, I believe that no matter who adopts or what race they choose to adopt, they should make a serious effort to steep the child in their own culture and heritage during their life. Allow your child to be who they truly are and know where they come from rather than “Americanize” them. I know we all hate to use the example of Angelina Jolie, but she has it right. She encourages her kids to understand a know their own history…
Anyway this is a total tangent of the original topic about AM’s/AF’s and interracial marriage. No matter what, I’ll never date a non-AM again. : )
Welcome Ms. Robinson, though it wasn’t necessary to change it, at least I won’t have any Granny thoughts while posting topics thanks.
Wasian83, you are doing more than expected, I’m impressed – I applaud you. Heck, if any woman can cook these days its a blessing and a keeper, not to mention one that can make traditional dishes. Not only that you’re learning to speak their native tougue, I don’t think theres an Asian parent who wouldn’t like you after a while. I mean even some Asians in North America don’t speak their own native tongue, bravo keep it up. Though I’m not Korean, but if they are very traditional then it will take time to win the parents over.
When its the son of an Asian family dating out of race, if the mother isn’t a bitch right off the bat – then its usually the father you have to impress. If the mother is giving you good comments then shes trying to get along, and thats a good sign. With the father its the usual family name and children issue.
My older brother married a white female, at first my dad was an ass — he’s still an ass, but with the grandson he enjoys his company. And though the relationship between my dad and bro were never as good, its more cordial now.
My uncle recently went to China to adopt a baby girl, they named her Nicole. And I used to think I’d probably never have kids after taking care of my nephew. Boys are tough to look after. Then again Nicole is only 13 months, but shes soooo adorable. I think I would like being a father to a baby girl, really tugged on my heart strings. And shes just soooo happy… and sooo adorable.
Shanghai Meimi, about the comments I made earlier, maybe it sounded way off about mixed kids — but kids are kids. And kids growing up are mean, and that can really affect a childs identitiy and confidence. Of course looking at it from our point of view now that we’re older past our studies, we can make that astute point
As for the mixing Asians, yeah I know its not kosher for lack of better words, but this is the 21st century, and North America. I’m mean even look at the movies you have Hong Kong stars in Korean movies, even a few Japanese — its a change in the times. Though I wouldn’t dare make that assumption since you travel to Asia on a regular basis and I don’t. I know there are probably still some bad blood between Asian Groups.
But I would like extend my gratitude to the ladies who posted here, its nice to know Asian men are appreciated. And give the AA’s a try, I’m sure there are some bad apples but there are good ones too, like anything else in life.
It seems to me none of the prior posts go into another potential reason why Asian parents prefer Asian females for their daughter in laws. At least for Koreans, there is (or used to be) a strong relationship between daughter in laws and the husbands’ mothers. It is that of dependence (women marry “into” the family are expected to take care of the husbands’ parents until death) and mutual respect and love (Obviously this is an idealized situation) for each other. My mother has personally has expressed such desire for her son, only son, with this romantic notion mind. How sad it would be for her to have a daughter in law who did not know these cultural specific norms. Having a Korean daughter in law also meant that there would be no language barrier (my mother’s English is quite lacking) and they can converse beyond the “how are you” small talk and effectively bond as mother and daughter (inlaw).
That’s a good point, Kimchi, and I saw it with a friend of mine who married a WF. But, the problem with that is that it’s a selfish way of thinking for the mom. Of course, it would be great to have that sort of relationship, but mothers have to realize that their son’s happiness is more important than their happiness. And, it’s a traditional, idealistic view. I bet even amongst eldest sons who have married Asian women, half of the wives don’t get along with their mother-in-laws due to the fact that the mothers expect too much. And, it’s due to this ‘romantic’ and ‘idealistic’ thinking. It’s a big burden on the new family member.
Wasian83: “No matter what, I’ll never date a non-AM again. : )” Am with you there!
Blade, re mixed kids: It depends where you are. Any big city in America, it won’t be a problem. Whereas small-town America, anyone not totally white bread will probably be harassed. When I’m in Southern California, it seems like about a quarter of couples are mixed. Here in China, my friends’ son’s preschool is about 70% Eurasian kids.
I have real mixed feelings on the American adoption of Chinese girls phenom. On the one hand, they’re giving the kids a great life that only the wealthiest of their fellow countrymen aspire to. On the other hand, there’s the awkward vision of white Americans “buying” little Chinese girls. Then, the well-meant white liberal attempts to keep the girls in touch with “their culture” consist of superficial, silly Chinesey things like lion dancing. I also know a few expatriates who live or have lived in China who’ve adopted, because they speak Chinese and know more about China than most Chinese do, so can raise the child with a good perspective.
I have a white friend who has an adopted Korean brother, and it’s helped give her a really healthy attitude towards race. Hey, if every hot blonde girl grew up with a Korean brother, you guys would have an easier time of it!
In regards to what kimchi was saying-I was aware of these things before I started dating my bf. My best friend is also Korean and she told me about what is expected of a daughter in law. I’m more than willing to do that for his parents. I really like the idea of a close nit family, and heck, it would be a blessing to have grandparents around to watch the kids. Since I already speak Korean, there isn’t a language barrier for us. Basically, I’m learning every drop of Korean tradition and history that I can. I want her to know that her son will be taken care of, her grandchildren raised knowing their heritage and language, and that she and her husband will be welcome and comfortable in our home. I just need to win her over now : )
Keep it up Wasian83, and I think you’ll give Korean woman a run for their money — but whats that they say competition is always good. Well, winning her over you will, its just a matter of time — keep chatting to her in Korean I guess?